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Friday, June 22, 2001
And I was doing so well in posting daily. *sigh* I guess I just couldn't find the time yesterday--AND we had some serious lightning, so I decided to stay off-line for a bit. Didn't do too much anyway. Finished half of the new senior class transcripts and am working on the other half right now. (Well, not at this moment, but I needed a break). Keith and I got most of the wedding gifts either put away or put in a pile to exchange....we got 2 mixers and 2 identical sets of sheets so I am planning on exchanging for towels which we need. As I wandered around the house yesterday, it was hard to believe it was ours and that I lived there. I keep expecting to move back into my apartment.
DUI class went well although I have a woman who is on tranquilizers in class, and she is so not-focused that it disrupts the rest of us. I hope to speak to her next week to see if she can make it the remaining weeks without driving me crazy. (OK, so I won't say it like that....)
Keith and I are going to the "big" Kaufmann's in downtown Pittsburgh today to exchange gifts and find out about the chance to purchase registry items at a discount....I need to see how long I have to do that. Tomorrow we are going to New Kensington community days which are sponsored by a local fire department and we like to support. It is supposed to be sunnier tomorrow---today is kinda grey.
Confidential to the "credit card borrower".....I UNDERSTAND...please don't worry about not being able to chat. Sometimes we all just need to deal with life and stress first. Take a deep breath and believe it will get better.
posted by chris on 9:52 AM |
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Wednesday, June 20, 2001
For someone who is on summer vacation here, I am up early. But I have to go into school to finish up the work that I didn't get done. And then, Dad is leaving for Idaho and the Northwest for 4 weeks so I need to get him to the airport. Busy day....I also start a new class tonight.
For those who read last night's post, I am not losing my mind, just gaining my perspective. Things are wonderful, and life is good. And now news about the wedding.
We had ugly, cold weather for the week before, and I just knew it was going to rain on the 9th. But, I awoke to blue skies and sunshine with temps in the low 70s. Suzy took me to get my hair done, and I got back about 10:30. I didn't need to be at church to get dressed until 12:30, so Susan came down and chatted with us as we did make-up. My Mom and Bill took us to church and the time grew closer. I was calm. No nerves, no last minute worries. I knew that no matter what, Keith and I and the priest would be there for the ceremony. And it was beautiful. Simple, elegant, and just what I wanted with reflective readings and music. And Fr. Aaron's homily was even good. I took time with each part to take a deep breath and remember the moment....as I walked down the aisle on my Dad's arm, as I said my vows, as I hugged the bridal party, and all that. An hour later, Keith and I walked out to the sunshine and hugged more people in one day than some do in a lifetime. Our receiving line was only Mom, Dad, best man Paul and maid of honor Mary Jo, (oh yeah, and us). We got done, did the picture thing again, and boarded the trolley to go to a park for pics. Those are the ones I know I will like. (And as an aside for those who may want to peek, my photographer said proofs will be online so I will let you have the address when I get it.) The ride over was fun...talking with the bridal party and have toasts. There were only 3 times when I came close to crying....when I walked down the aisle, when my maid of honor gave a toast, and when my brother did on the trolley. And I quote..."Last summer, I was going to Myrtle Beach with my family, but I also knew I was meeting my future brother-in-law. And there were a few things I wanted. He had to love my sister, take care of her, and make her happy....well, that was true. And he had to know how to party. The first time I met Keith, he was carrying in 3 cases of beer, and looked at me and said....I am not sure this is enough. I knew he was the right one for our family." My brother Jeff has a way with words don't you think. And although I am the "big" sister, they all watch out for me as if I was the "little" one.
Anyway, we arrived at the country club and had a few drinks and some snacks before they announced us....we were going to mingle for about an hour before dinner.
I will get back to that at a later post. The ceremony itself was really nice, and it was good to have so many of my friends and family there. Some were missing, but you know, I think I could feel their thoughts as the day went on.
posted by chris on 8:18 AM |
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Tuesday, June 19, 2001
This is non-wedding related so if you don't want to read more, don't.
I do have much more to say about the wedding, especially since I got some pictures developed today. But I mentioned before that I needed to go and listen to the concert of the kids (old and young) and that it gave me a sense of peace again. I was missing it. And so, although you may want to read about the wedding and Cancun, I need to talk about this cause its my journal. And I will be mentioning the wedding and stuff for months.
This year, I wasn't sure I liked my job anymore which is normal, but for me, difficult to accept because I have always loved being a counselor and working with teens. I felt less-connected, less of who I am when I am with them. I did my job...I taught psychology, I did college stuff, I dealt with grades and new students, and I talked to parents. But I never felt the connection like I did 8 years ago. BUT, I didn't want that back either because I let the kids take advantage of the "new teacher" and I got too attached. I knew I had a satisfying and joyful mid-point about 4 or 5 years ago, but it seemed to be missing. And I didn't know how to get it back. So, I have been searching----partly for the music in my heart like I mentioned before and partly for the person I know I am.
I was happy and full of love because of my relationship with Keith, and I knew it was right, but part of me was missing. And that scared me alot because I didn't know if I could find it again. It had nothing to do with a marriage or change in my life, it had to do with my heart and my soul. I am not sure I can explain it in detail here, but I will give you a glimpse into what I mean. And why it was so important for me to go to the concert, to find my music.
The heart and soul that I was missing was the part of me....who was transparent...who gave all I had inside to those I loved and cared about including my students....who would feel. I have always tended to be too emotional, too sensitive, too open. And some (only some) of those around me were not like that. I lost the connection with the friends who knew me and loved that part of me, and I felt that those around me only wanted to see the "stable", non-emotional, mature Chris who could keep her cool and would not show her anger, her sadness or her joy. It was ok to be happy, but not too much. It was ok to be sad, but don't be so hurt by things in life. Well, its not me. I hurt when others do, I feel joy when others do. My sensitivity runs too deep, but that is who I am. I cry watching TV, reading books, and talking about emotional things. Its not always PMS, it is sometimes just me.
Well, I let others control how I re-acted to situations. I kept a lock on my emotions and my willingness to become attached to my kids. I didn't share with them or become part of their lives. I stood back and just watched. And I regret that because I know that is not me, and I missed out on having some terrific moments with some neat kids.
My reconnection is not entirely due to hearing the music of Jesus Christ Superstar, but it is part of it. At the time when they did that, the group of kids who were at SJHS were unique, caring, and fun individuals, and I took the time to get to know them. Seeing them, watching them perform again, hearing the music made me wonder could we start again, please? And then, I spent time with 2 friends who know me well....from my insecurities to my over-emotional side to my wild side. And I greeted 4 friends who came from 4 corners of the US to be with me as I married my Keith. And we talked and they listened, and they hugged. And while I know it will never be the same as it was 15 or 10 or 5 years ago, we re-connected, and we will stay friends, and watch each other grow and support each other. And I got wishes from people I have never met (or only met once), and I realized the connection I had with them was real, and those who said it isn't, can't know. And I had 7 of my former students at the wedding who were happy to be there to share this day, and who reminded me that I do love my job, and I am who I am....emotional, sensitive, transparent, sarcastic, stubborn, organized, a counselor, a friend, a big sister, and now a wife.
The music is coming back. I am hearing it as I wipe the tears from my eyes from thinking of all this. I hear it as I sit on my front porch and swing with my husband. I hear it as I get angry because one of my friends feels a need to tell me something not so nice about one of my dear sister-in-laws, and I hear it when I realize that no one can change who I am and that's ok, because there are those who love me for my over-emotional, sappy, fly off the handle, anally organized self. And I know the music is back, because I am finding more to give inside my heart and soul.
(I apologize to those who find this dull, boring and too sappy, but hell, its my journal.)
posted by chris on 9:26 PM |
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Monday, June 18, 2001
First blog to talk about the wedding stuff....and then later the honeymoon. I will be going back to the Thursday before because I want to remember this in order. And I have so much to blog about you will likely be here for days if I don't break it up.
My mom got in Wednesday night and Thursday we had appointment for nails. We were to meet my maid of honor to "pin up the bustle" on my dress---but crisis happened (not too big though). She thought I said 4:30 and I said 3:30 so at 4, my Mom and I just did it, and left. That evening I went (by myself) to a practice of Jesus Christ Superstar because I was going to miss the kids show on Sunday. It was worth it, because I saw kids from 8, 7, 6, 5 and such years ago, and I had a chance to reclaim my love for my job. (there is more on this, but that will be another day this week)
Friday was bridesmaid lunch, and it was very fun. All of my bridesmaid, mom, grandma, and my aunt who is also my godmother were there. We had a good time and took pictures, laughed and enjoyed meeting everyone (ok, well, I knew everyone, but they all didn't). Rehearsal went fine, the dinner was fun although short and I was still calm. Keith gave me pearl and diamond earring for a wedding gift and I gave him an engraved watch. They were beautiful and I wore them on the W-day.
After dinner, my friend Suzy and I headed to the hotel where I was staying. She was feeling a bad headache so while she relaxed and went to bed, I went in search of my college roommates--Sharon and Marci. At 9:30 I found them in the restaurant, and we hugged, laughed and caught up until about 11:00. They were both tired from flying and Shar had a migraine on the plane and got really sick, so I left them, went to my room, and found out Susan (who is from Texas--Dallas/Fort Worth area) was in, and looking for me. I went to the lobby with a book, read for about 15 minutes and she found me!!! And we talked and talked and talked. I have not seen her since her wedding 10 years ago but we have remained email and card friends. She is a smart-ass like me, and we have so much in common in our views that we can't help but talk and laugh and be friends. I am so happy she was here for the wedding, and that I got to see her when she arrived. Elizabeth and Mike (from college too) arrived at midnight and I got to see them before they went to bed. Susan and I talked until 1 am and then she insisted I needed to sleep. All I can say is I felt joy....I was marrying a sweet loving man and old, dear friends were going to be with me on that day.
OK, enough...weddding day later. I need to go.
posted by chris on 11:12 AM |
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I know it is early on the 18th, but I wanted to say....I am home. I have much much more to say to those who want to hear about the wedding and Cancun, but that will wait until tomorrow at least. We arrived safely, are not too badly burnt, and are happy to be home.
But I must say, thanks to all of my guest bloggers---I appreciate your taking the time to fill the spaces here at Shamrock Songs. And I appreciate your friendship....and support....and thanks too for all the nice things you said about me.....(You know I had to read what y'all discussed, right?)
See you tomorrow....or later today
posted by chris on 12:11 AM |
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Sunday, June 17, 2001
Well, now you've forced me to share MY recipe for enchiladas, only I'm not very good at amounts and such. When I cook, I go mostly by smell, look and taste.
1. Chicken, cooked and cut up or shredded (I usually just by breasts)
2. 2 cans mild enchilada sauce and 2 big cans tomato sauce, combined
3. Shredded cheddar cheese, diced onions, and corn tortillas
Mix chicken with some of the sauce, just enough to coat it and heat it up. Warm tortillas, dip in sauce mix, stuff with chicken, cheese and onion (of course, my daughter likes hers without onion), roll up and scrunch them up in the pan, fitting as many in as you can, cause we like to eat.
When you run out of chicken, make just plain cheese and onion ones. Then pour remaining sauce, cheese and onions over the top of all, cover and bake at 350 for about an hour. If you run out of sauce, just open some more cans! I always buy extra. We enjoy them. My husband warms the tortillas and dips them in the sauce, while I stuff them and place them in the pan. We always have fun making them together. We've tried them with beef, but I just don't like them as well as the chicken.
posted by TinaH on 11:26 AM |
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I've got an easier recipe.
*ahem*
1. Brown 1 lb. of ground beef. Drain.
2. Stir in enough salsa or picante sauce (your choice) to coat the beef. Add other spices to taste (chilis, chili powder, garlic, cumin - you name it). Heat thoroughly.
3. In bowls, place lettuce.
4. Cover bowls of lettuce with beef mixture.
5. Grate cheese of your choice over the top. (Cheddar works well, so does Monterey Jack.)
6. Serve.
It's a Powers Special!
posted by SPowers on 9:47 AM |
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