Shamrock Songs

Thursday, May 24, 2001

At some point, I think that I lost track of the "song in my heart" (and my shamrock...) that inspired the title of my blog. I have stopped hearing the music...in my car, in my home, and yes, even in my head. Music has been a huge part of my dealing with pain and celebrating joy and finding peace. And I miss it being there. I need to take the time to hear the song being played, sung or hummed in my heart....and if I want, I need to share it. Today, driving home from finding deals on 2 pair of sandals, Daydream Believer came on the oldies station. And through the rain, and my preoccupied thoughts, I was singing along and feeling some peace. Music hits my soul. It reminds me of friends in the past and ones I don't get to see very often. It brings memories to my heart with the smiles, laughs or tears that go along.

And certain songs/hymns can make my soul soar. Trumpet Volantare is what will be playing when I walk down the aisle because it makes my heart and soul happy. And that is what I want most on that day. I won't worry about details because if Keith is there, and the priest marries us, and I can feed those who showed up...it will be a party. I want to be happy. I want to have fun. I don't need to worry about details. And I need to remember I am not responsible for how other's feel.

Wow. From music to wedding to the message I tell myself on a regular basis. Sometimes you don't need to understand what's in my head. Just read and accept.
posted by chris on 7:07 PM | go ahead - link me!

A few minutes to spare to jot my thoughts down. It is always a busy time as the graduates leave. Everyone wants my time but if graduation is not done "correctly" according to our slightly obsessive principal, all hell breaks loose. So I have been copying programs, re-printing the readings for the mass, and making sure our lists match.

Wedding stuff is being accomplished. I think I have all the responses in of people who are coming unless Mr. Wheeler is flying my friends in from the south, east PA, Canada or Australia....or wherever. I need to find out about placement of the tables so I think a trip to the country club is needed. Going to order the cookies when I get off-line, had a fitting for my dress yesterday and it feels like it will fit better with all the adjustments. We got our first card/gift yesterday so I guess it is closer to the date than I realize.

Somedays I can't believe how lucky I am to have found Keith. Being 35 years old when I met him--I had thought I would never marry. Around 28, I really started to "live" my life instead of feeling like I was waiting for the "next event" to happen. I traveled, I dated, I decorated my rented house/apartment, and I was happy with my life.

I never felt incomplete without a man, so meeting Keith did not complete me, but made me love having him share my adventures as he share his interests with me. We have differences, but we use them to grow closer. I don't want a shadow and he doesn't want or need to be one. This may not be what everyone else finds in their marriages, but I have learned over the years that the same things do not work for everyone. If we all wanted or needed the same kind of life, we wouldn't learn from others----we would just be repeating someone else's life.

I read this the other day..."I have learned that just because people argue does not mean they don't love each other, and just because they don't argue does not mean that they do." We have our share of arguements. Usually over stupid stuff (or money issues which I gather is common), but
we can usually laugh our way out of it and into a conversation.

Today's classic disagreement was due to the fact that Keith went to buy coffee at the grocery store (he has only needed it for a month and kept forgetting!!!---hey, I don't drink it so I don't think of it). Well, he bought a case of diet pepsi for me---but since they only had caffeine free that is what he bought although the thought ran through his mind that I probably don't drink it. Well, he thought right. But instead of asking before he opened it so I could return it, he opened it and figured I would just drink it. ummmm----no. And then he called me particular.

This from a man who tells me "I don't like chinese food or mexican food or too much spicy foods" and when I ask if he has tried them, he says...."Once I think...." Now is that once per food or once per all of them......who knows? I just cook and he eats it. I don't tell him what we are having until its already cooked. Yes, I know he is a "meat and potatoes" kind of guy, but if I cook, we try new stuff. So far, its been ok.

And what you may ask does this have to do with being lucky? Just that he is there to love and talk to, and tease, and hug.....

posted by chris on 1:19 PM | go ahead - link me!

Wednesday, May 23, 2001

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BETH!!

May you have dragons watching over you all day to bring you joy!!
posted by chris on 8:10 AM | go ahead - link me!

WTF? How can one person manage to be as clumsy as I can sometimes? I never thought of myself as THAT uncoordinated but....this morning I managed to scrape the skin off of my right shin/leg as I fell and slid down my father's driveway. It doesn't look too bad now, but I will have scabs, and it burns like a fire!!! (and you thought I might swear!!--almost!!) I can't believe I did that....seems like mornings are not my best time to attempt to walk.
posted by chris on 8:09 AM | go ahead - link me!

Tuesday, May 22, 2001

I start a new DUI group tonight. I have been spoiled since I did not work at all last week. I am not sure I am energized enough for this event, but I have to be soon. I just feel like time is slipping away from me which means that I am closer to being able to spend days, nights, and a lifetime with my soon-to-be husband, but also that I have much to accomplish before that day.

Tomorrow is my fitting for my wedding dress. I think it will seem "real" when I put that on again. It has been a few months since I have had to show someone my dress. I don't think I have had it "out" since December when 2 of my sister-in-laws were with me and wanted to see it. And I know I didn't have the time to put it on then. Tomorrow is also graduation practice so I know the day will fly by since I will need to be directing them all afternoon.

I got some prices for cookies for the wedding. My mom wants some ladylocks (do you know what I mean?) and I had a phone number of a woman who makes them at a reasonable price. However, I cannot seem to reach her, and I talked to another place who says, 1) its not too late to order them and 2) they are 1 dollar more a dozen. Keith says for 10 dollars to just order them so I won't be worrying. AND he doesn't want me to make any although I still may try to do one kind before the weekend of the wedding. I doubt we will be short of food for the event but you don't want to let anyone go away hungry.

That's all for today. I know I will have more to babble about tomorrow when I have the time. Tonight its, work, and then to dad's for the night. Hope my back keeps feeling better. Right now, I think the pulled muscle is healing and I did stretch a bit so maybe that helped. No profound thoughts today. Maybe tomorrow. Same place, same person. Till then, take care.

posted by chris on 2:04 PM | go ahead - link me!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANGIE

Was late coming into work today due to back spasm and lack of sleep. I am feeling better---must be tension and stress. I hope I can get back on track soon. More later.
posted by chris on 10:26 AM | go ahead - link me!

Monday, May 21, 2001

Where have my thoughts been lately? You might assume on the wedding, but also on another issue totally unrelated. My career. My job. My vocation. I am a guidance counselor. I am a teacher. I am forced to be a role model because of this. And that is OK, because I don't believe my actions are questionable in any situation. I have learned much about myself over the past 8 years of counseling and guiding. And much about parents, students, and families.

When I first started, I let myself get too close to the students. In situations, I took their side and let them know it. And while I regret my choices in situations of discipline and expectations, I have learned from them. I am now able to be both a listening ear and strong force. I set limits. I set goals for my students. Its not the limits I have problems with. For the most part, they accept them and live up to the behaviors I am trying to teach them. I draw a line and give them a warning. If they go to far, I know that they have made the choice to do so. And must deal with the consequences.

This past week on retreat, I warned the seniors that I would call their parents if they were caught crossing that line. Time was of no consequence. I was told by a (rather mouthy) young woman that "you don't want to mess with Lynn in the middle of the night". And I calmly said---"I am not afraid of your parent(s). If you cross the line, I will call. I know that I have warned you fairly and I expect you to follow the basic rules. Its not like I am going to hang a rope out of your window, tie you to it, and walk out saying I am calling your mother for trying to sneak out." I stand by my decisions because I make them with a clear, responsible, and common sense head.

I didn't always do that. And I know I have grown and learned. I might miss some of the closeness I had with some students, but I know that other's respect me and trust me more because I can draw the line.

My problem is not with teaching them limits; its knowing that some parents (and I did say SOME) tell them to ignore my limits, or blame me when he or she doesn't do what they need to, and THEY BLAME ME. This year, I had a student who failed to turn in every scholarship app on time. Mom would ask about it, and she would tell her "Ms. J has it....." Meanwhile, back in my office, I have never even seen the said application, and the student is lying to cover her ass. So, I get blamed for not doing my job.

Finally, I had a 4th or 5th phone call about apps from this mother, and I calmly (which is good for me) went through the litany of how many times I had to ask K. for the info, how many times she said "tomorrow", and how many times she had to go and type something she told her mother was done. There was silence on the phone, and the mother said...."I understand. I will have to talk to K. about why she is not following through with this." No apology to me for blaming me, but at least she listened.

And it makes me wonder how many times the messages between school and home get garbled. I thank every parent who calls to clear up the situation because what your child hears may not be what I (or another teacher, counselor, principal) said. If it was, no harm, no foul. But if it wasn't---

posted by chris on 2:14 PM | go ahead - link me!

First of all, I cannot add or subtract. Yesterday was 20 days to the wedding, and today is 19. Who knows how I got 17?
posted by chris on 8:46 AM | go ahead - link me!

Sunday, May 20, 2001

17 days and counting. I am back to the world of blogs and I made it through a rough week and busy weekend. I won't bore you all with the details of my week, but I do want to let any of you who might care know where I was.....does that sentence even make sense?

Last weekend, I took 10 girls to a Church camp that is at the foot of the Laurel Mountains. We talked, had fires, hiked and watched movies. It was the leadership group from SJHS and we had a great time with some girl bonding. The wedding was a topic of conversation because, well, it was on my mind.

Sunday and Monday night I spent with my mother who was in town. We made centerpieces and shopped. That is one less thing to worry about for the wedding. I will take pics and post them later. Monday was the annual senior-sophomore trip and we went to the zoo and on a picnic. Very nice day but tiring, and then to add to that, I took the senior class on an overnight retreat on Tuesday-Wednesday. I had about 4 hours of sleep (you have to make sure they don't sneak away!!!) and then was in charge of the awards for the banquet that night. Thursday was another senior event, and I had a banquet for Junior Women's Club. By Friday, which was the seniors last day, I was ready for them to leave. We have a tradtion called "class day" when the seniors present "remember when" and "wills" to the underclassmen. We also had a video. It was over, I came home and rested.

This weekend, I shopped---for a wedding gift for Keith (a dress watch instead of the one he wears to work), bridesmaid gifts, paper and giftbags for the attendants gifts, and an ironing board. You might laugh at the last thing, but I had to iron my dress on Wed on my jewelry armoire and I decided I had to get one this weekend. Today is cleaning day although I took time out to chat with a friend who always makes me feel loved and gives me support and tells me to relax....thanks!!!

I have a billion thoughts racing around in my head about the wedding, about realizations about who you are in your job, and much more. But since Keith is due home in an hour or so, I think I will finish the laundry and cleaning. He is working 3-11 this week---more computer time for me, and a chance to explore what is in my head and my heart as the school year ends and a life together begins.
posted by chris on 3:11 PM | go ahead - link me!